


Lonesome

by ArkadyFinch (ArkadyFlinch)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 12:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14618436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArkadyFlinch/pseuds/ArkadyFinch
Summary: Lakan's species have always had someone nearby, no matter where they went. Being new to space exploration, Lakan finds himself alone for the first time in forever, and finds he can't deal with it on his own.





	Lonesome

**Author's Note:**

> Two for one today with the same alien boys! This one is SFW and shows an earlier view of the two! 
> 
> I also wrote this one a while ago while feeling lonely myself so their characters weren't as fleshed out as they are now, either way I'd appreciate concrit!

He woke up unable to remember what was wrong. He grasped about, blindly, pulling on sheets and blankets, intense wave of panic hitting him before he realized why.  
He was alone.  
His breath caught, and he fought to breath in as if he'd been sucker punched in the gut.  
"Pe-" He croaked, finally managing to draw enough breath to choke out her name.  
He tried again but his heart was pounding in his chest and his newfound ability to breathe was now racing, out of his control in uneven gasps and half formed words.  
She was gone.  
She was gone and he was alone.  
He tried to curl in on himself but his legs tangled in the sheets and he heaved, violently trying to free himself.  
Ultimately he ended up on the floor, breathing rushing in and out in sharp whistles and a low, lonely cry.  
Remember, he told himself, remember - she's only gone for a night.  
That's right.  
Work had forced her hand, either she does this job alone or she loses it. They thought that since they'd lost most of their Brood that they could just "grow up" and work alone.  
A broken sob tore its way out of his chest, and he couldn't stop another from following suit.  
He was alone and who knew what might happen while he was here.  
Petra could die, and then he'd be alone forever, he'd be alone all alone alone alone-  
Light caught his eye, a notification on his Nav.  
He slammed his hand on it, activating the interface and scrolling through his messages.  
It was going to be another doctor, or security officer, a notice that the only remaining family he had was dead dead dead dea-  
Beta.

  
It was from Beta.

  
A reply to something stupid and embarassing he'd texted earlier, drunk and trying desperately not to think about Petra leaving.  
The only person he talked to other than Petra.  
He closed his eyes and gathered himself, somehow, all the while choking on air, chest burning with how hard he was gasping.  
No.  
He shouldn't.  
His eyes, wide and watering, read over xyr last message.  
'Anything for you.'  
He shouldn't burden xyr with this. Their relationship was still new, tentative, fragile.  
Freaking out on xyr would ruin things.  
His people were too clingy. He was too clingy. Xe had work to do. Xe had better things to do.  
He tried to close the window but only managed to smash on keys, filling the bar with nonsense words.  
To his horror, he spotted a small dot of color light up next to Beta's contact info.  
Xe was online.  
He shut off his Nav and curled up in a ball, trying to control his breathing, head swimming as he drew in too much air, exhausted himself by breathing so harshly.  
A soft ping startled him out of his thoughts, again, distracting him from the panic eating at him. Again.  
Beta.  
'Still awake?'  
He stared at the message, blinking away tears.  
Xe didn't deserve to be bothered by him.  
'Is everything ok?'  
More tears welled up.  
Xe didn't deserve to be bothered by his insecurities.

He shut his eyes tight, hands curling into fists. He deserved to suffer alone, to be alone, forever. He'd let Petra go and she was out of comm range, risking her life so they could continue to live on this stupidly expensive station.  
No one wanted them.  
A broken Brood was worse than nothing.  
Weak.  
Clinging.  
High-maintenance.

'Anything for you.'

He didn't dare take it as anything more than empty words. The concept was laughable. That someone would genuinely care about him; dry skinned, splotchy Lakan. It was just something people said because they were obligated to. Xe only said that because-

A fresh wave of sobs wracked him. As much as he'd wanted to start the relationship, it would never be what he wanted it to. Every single thing he was, was just too much for other species.  
No matter how much he wanted this, there would always be an invisible line drawn, one that he would inevitably cross, one that would end things between him and Beta.  
The only person who understood him, who understood his feelings, was Petra. And she was gone.  
She could die out there, alone.  
He held his breath, willing the world to stop and freeze around him. Despairing that it wouldn't.

Ping.  
Another one.  
He cracked open one eye.  
'I can see you typing. You okay?'

He frowned, looking down at his hand, which had mashed down one of the keys, scrolling line after line of the same letter over and over.  
He tapped the delete key impatiently, and, while he was holding his breath - strange how he felt a little more composed with his straining lungs and splitting headache - he typed, 'No,' and hit send.

He shouldn't have done that. He let out a long, low hiss and watched anxiously as his own notification lit up, showing him that xe was typing.

'You wanna talk about it? Is there something I can do?'

He shakily, carefully hit each key, fighting off thoughts of his inherent worthlessness, and doubts about asking for help outside of his own species.

His kind was infamously needy. Everything that mentioned his species took the time to denote how odd it was that they travelled in such large groups, lamented over how hard it was to find upwards of ten jobs where every worker could be in easy access of the others. Every self-help site he visited seemed to focus on how other races should tolerate him, and very few were written for his kind themselves.

A soft ping.

'Do you want me to call?'

Shaking, he typed out 'no' and hit send again. Like hell he would let xyr see him like this, blubbering and shivering on the ground, panicking over waking up alone, of all things.

Normal aliens could handle sleeping alone, useful people liked being alone. Beta xyrself talked about how much xe needed space sometimes.  
He shouldn't be selfish, he should give xyr space.

'Should I come over?'

His heart leaped in his chest, fear, not admiration.  
No no no no no no he could not let xyr see him like this.  
He stuggled to sit up, to type out something legible, explaining away his momentary weakness.  
'ill be dikne'

Shit.

'You don't sound fine. Where's Petra?'

He hicced, holding his breath again, pain ripping through his chest as another hiccup attempted to break free.

'gonr.'

Immediately, his Nav lit up with an incoming call. He hit ignore, and almost threw it across the room.  
But that would only make things worse.

'im fins  
fine'

'Lakan I can come over if you need me to.'

The simple use of his name almost broke him, and he hesitated.

'Please. It must be hard for you to be alone.'

He hiccuped and the sobs started anew. It was hard being alone, especially since the last time he had been alone, his family had-  
He squeezed his eyes shut. No. If he brought them up, he'd just-

'Will me coming over help you feel better?'

Gods, yes. He wanted nothing more than to have xyr in his arms, to have something to distract him from this.  
But gods...he was a shaking wreck. He'd drive xyr off, if nothing else, by letting xyr see him this way.

Anything for him.

He typed 'yes', and the reply came without delay.

'I'll be there in 5.'

He staggered to his feet and fled into the bathroom, desperate to get control of himself before xe came over. Already, his breathing was becoming easier, though, and as he stared into his puffy, distraught face in the mirror, he felt some semblance of control.  
Of calm.  
"I'm not alone." He whimpered out, trying to reassure the wide, lost eyes in his reflection.

Who would ever love a face like that.

He wanted to go back, send another message, say everything was fine, he didn't need xyr to come over in the middle of the night for him.  
He was just weak.  
So weak.

Every other intelligent species on this station could be alone, preferred to be alone. No other species travelled in groups like his did, he should feel ashamed.  
He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the sink, horns clicking against the tile. It was cold and solid, grounding him as he shook and tried to calm his breathing.

He wasn't aware of time passing, but it seemed like only a second later he sat up, groggily, as his door buzzed.

He stared in it's direction, confused, and jumped when it buzzed again, followed by a ping from his Nav.  
He shook himself and heavily moved to answer, feeling strangely dreamlike.  
When he opened the door xe rushed in, eyes wide, all six trained on him, scanning his face, his body, then, darting separately to scan the room.  
He tensed, no doubt his break down had cause his skin to get even more mottled and flaky, no doubt, clad in only his shorts, there was no hiding the swell of his stomach.  
Xe held out xyr arms, soft smile forming on xyr face, and he rushed into xyr embrace.

Beta was, like him, cooler to the touch than the other races, and the feel of xyr smooth skin on his brought an immediate, if shaky, sense of peace. Xe was tall enough to rest xyr chin on his head, nosing and nuzzling at his horns as he buried his nose in xyr neck.  
Xyr fingers wove together around his back, pulling him tight, and another, half-sob escaped him, causing xyr to hum tonelessly in xyr chest.  
Xe stroked his back, fingers lightly tracing shapes into his scales, and he sagged, relaxing with a sigh.  
Xe pulled away long enough to guide him to his couch and they sat, and xe pulled him into xyr lap.  
He protested, at first. Beta was taller than him, but thin as a rake, nothing but muscle and bone, and he was so much heavier than xe was.  
Xe tutted at him and pulled him close, and Lakan relented, resting his head on xyr chest.  
Xe hummed again, and he smiled into xyr clothes.  
Xe couldn't hear a damn thing but xe still remembered how much he loved xyr voice.  
They sat like that for a while, xyr humming on and off, rubbing his back as he hiccuped and slowly began breathing regularly.

What had he been afraid of? Calling xyr over?  
Resting in xyr arms, he felt a muted sense of calm, and a foggy, strange nothingness.  
Exhaustion, too.  
His lids drooped, and he struggled to sit up, to ask xyr if this was alright, if this wasn't bothering xyr.  
But xe tsked at him again, pulling him back down, rubbing small circles along his neck.  
"I don't want to ...bother you."  
Xe pulled a tablet from xyr bag, slung next to the couch, and typed one-handed, other hand holding the swell of his back.

'this ok?'

he nodded in xyr chest and with a pleased sound, xe typed some more.

'need anything/ want to talk?'

He shook his head, then wrapped his arms under xyr back, holding xyr close. Xe tapped his shoulder, showing him the tablet once more.

'can we sleep here?'

Gods, yes, but he didn't want to crush xyr.  
If anything, he should be asking xyr if xe needed anything. Concern caused him to struggle to sit up, and this time xe let him, handing him the tablet and sitting up too.  
He glanced, quickly at xyr, and smiled. Xyr eyes were blinking out of sync, sleepily, and xe smiled a bit dazedly.  
Xe had been about to fall asleep, too.

He typed, trying to remember everything he needed to ask, and probably failing.

'Gills? Do you need clothes? Water?'

Xe read quickly and huffed, 'dont want to get up / yes.' As he read this, xe stood slowly and kissed the top of his head.  
He got up, waiting until xe was looking at him before tugging at xyr shirt and tilting his head.

Xe smirked, grabbing xyr bag and holding it up. Beta had come prepared, it seemed. In the middle of the night, so quickly, xe must have been packing the second he'd said Petra was gone.

And just like that, it was back. The empty ache in his chest, the stinging of tears.

He didn't deserve xyr.

Hands cradled his face and xyr breath danced over his face. Xe placed a soft kiss to his forehead and hugged him again, rubbing his back.

He hugged xyr, then stepped back, working to compose himself. He signed, 'Thank you.'

Xe caught his hand mid-guesture and kissed his knuckles, rubbing the sharp jut of xyr cheekbone along his hand.

Anything for you.

He led them to his bedroom and xe pointed to the bed, then xyrself, then the bathroom, and he nodded.

Xe watched him as xe walked to the bathroom and xe kept the door open as xe splashed water on xyr face and filled xyr canteen with water.  
Lakan pulled the sheets back on the bed and tried to organize the blankets a bit before he snuggled down into the mattress, peeking out at xyr figure framed by bright light.

Xe undressed and tossed on some sleeping shorts and a tight, fitted tank. Xyr kind didn't do well without compression-wear, and xe once described it as feeling as if xe would float away without something pressing down on xyr chest.  
In other words, homesickness. He wasn't the only one who missed his home planet. Xe probably missed the taste of the ocean flowing over xyr gills as much as he missed the dark, cool confines of his home world.

For one reason or another, neither one of them could go back.

He watched xyr take a big swig from xyr water canteen, xyr muscles flexing as xe lifted the massive jug to xyr lips. Muscle, catriladge, and bone covered by a beautiful shade of blue-green scales, almost as smooth as skin. Xyr eyes, glowing softly in the gloom cast by the bathroom light, focused on him, and xe put the canteen on the ground by the bed.  
He lifted the blanket and xe crawled in, hands finding him and pulling xyrself flush against him, wrapping him ins xyr arms and wriggling until xe was comfy.  
He tangled their legs with a soft sigh, and draped his arm around xyr.  
Xe was still for a moment, but then wriggled a bit further away, rummaging around, before returning to his arms.  
Xe put something on the bed beside xyr and Lakan blinked as stars scattered across the ceiling, bathing their room in a soft glow.  
He watched them spin, entranced, but then xe tapped his arm and he tore his gaze away.  
There was some sort of love on xyr hands, thinner than paper, softly glowing in the light.  
Xe signed something - too much too fast for him to read it - and above them, words scrolled among the stars, first in a flowing script he had to assume was xyr own language, and then in his own.  
'Do you want to talk?'

He shrugged, trying to think of how to reply with his limited sign-vocabulary when xyr tapped him again and pointed to xyr throat, "aaaah," then to the ceiling.

"Oh, so do I just...?"

Already his words were appearing above them, his language, then xyrs.

Xe laughed, and snuggled back down, looking at the display being projected on the ceiling.  
He wondered if this was what xe had been messaging him through whenever they spoke late into the night.

He cleared his throat and murmured, "I...woke up and just freaked out. Petra's gone for a few days, work, they forced her." He watched his words scroll past in the sky, while Beta read them, hands tightening on his. "It's stupid. I just...being..."  
Xe signed to the air in front of xyr, turning to look at Lakan, 'Lonely?'  
He swallowed and nodded, and xe turned to face him, pulling him close.  
For a while he only heard their combined breathing and the soft beating of his heart.  
Betas eyes, 2, 4, 6 opened, soft red glow giving xyr skin a grey tint.  
Xe signed in the space between them, and the holo above them echoed, 'Why didn't you tell me?'

He froze, then broke eye contact, "I didn't...it wasn't something I wanted you to worry about."

Xe raised xyr hand to sign back and he reached up and stopped xyr, adding, "We're not a full Brood anymore. I figured two days without her would be something even I could handle."

Beta shook xyr head, pulling xyr hands free and signing, 'You've never slept alone before.'

"And every other person on this station has."

Xe signed more insistently, 'They aren't you.'

He sighed, "I know...it's-"

Xe placed a finger on his lips, then slowly, steadily began signing, it took a moment for the translation to display on their canopy of stars.

'Something you can change? Tonight?'

He thought, then shrugged, unsure of what to say. He knew the answer, but it felt so silly, saying it outloud.

Beta signed again, hands moving in bigger motions, 'Can you change who you are?'

"...No..."

Xe smiled at him, something in xyr eyes that had him tearing up again, so xe hugged him, hands tangling around him. Xe didn't stop until xe was wrapped around him, scale to scale, and xe hummed once more.

He hugge xyr back, whispering "Thank you" into xyr neck. Xe giggled, and he blew air into xyr scales in reply, cuasing xyr to wiggle but ultimately return to holding him.

He wasn't sure how long they laid like that, or when he fell asleep, but when he woke up it was early morning and xe was still sprawled out over him, snoring softly.  
Lakan stared at xyr and swallowed, watching xyr sleep and wondering what he'd done to deserve someone so understanding when he'd only ever known heartache.


End file.
